Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Scandal had befallen John and Ashley of late. Their boss had a tricky problem. How to keep them out of trouble and away from floozies? All the usual options were considered- but ruled out-after all it is difficult to perform a lobotomy if there is no brain present in the first place.
But their canny boss came up with a new idea! crochet!
Their new hobby was a success until the boss man realised they were making their strips in the wrong colours! doh! Their efforts were hurriedly disposed of to us before another scandal could break.
Two strips of crochet, red and white acrylic, shell stitch. What will you make with them?
Bleuurgghhh.........Deirdre had done it again. She had had an argument with Ken over his refusal to wear the jumper she had lovingly made for him. So she did what Deirdre always does in a crisis- (apart from sleep with slimy Mike in his Ford Fiesta) -she gorged herself on pink marsh mellows.
The next day ,in a typically surrealist move ,Deirdre vomited up these baby sized and cardigan shaped pieces of pink acrylic.
Do you have a pink passion? Are you in desperate need of marsh mellow comfort but fear the consequences? why not give a home to this knitting!
Gladys wanted to be a fairy. She had wanted to be one ever since she could remember.And just because she was 36 the desire still did not stop.
Luckily her grandmother understood her dream-she after all had been a fairy in her youth, wowing them at Blackpool with her wand action.
This kindly grandmother set about knitting a fairy outfit for her granddaughter using the very suitable and slightly sparkly Tinkerbell yarn from Wendy!
Alas Gladys' grandmother had not seen Gladys for many years , ever since she had been locked up in Broadmoor High Security prison for insanity and rather underestimated Gladys height and width.
Do you know a fairy that needs a (small) outfit ? we have a sleeve, back and part of the front, with lace pattern,plus the remainder of the original yarn.
Colonel Mustard had hot date! Miss Scarlet was his kind of woman, the type that could crack a Brazil nut with her bare thighs.
Colonel Mustard liked to dress as his name- always in the colour mustard. For his hot date he instructed his housekeeper/general dogsbody Mrs Peacock to make him a new suit of the finest cloth, in mustard obviously.
Now Mrs Peacock was very fed up. She had worked for Colonel Mustard for the last 30 years without a pay rise.And she was jealous of Miss Scarlett and her red sandals.
Mrs Peacock began to make a knitted suit so vile that it would be sure to make Miss Scarlett run screaming in horror! However before she had a chance to finish it Colonel Mustard was arrested for the murder of Reverend Green, most probably framed by Miss Scarlett herself.
Mrs Peacock , before departing for a world cruise, deposited the fragments of the suit with us.
Do you like mustard? do you have someone you dislike intensely? this could be the project for you!
Mustard colour cotton, with a cute repeated purl stitch on knitted background, looks like a back , two sleeves and maybe part of a front. Baby or doll sized.
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
Karl liked slippers alot. There is nothing like it, after a hard day deciding what the wealthy should wear next season, to slip ones tired feet into a pair of giant monkey slippers. Naturally Karl had an assistant to organise his slippers. This highly coveted post was only open to applicants after seven years working as his underpants assistant. When news of a vacancy was announced there was great excitement in Paris.
A queue formed around the block on the day of the interviews. Unknown to Karl, John from Dior was cunningly disguised in the queue as a chimney sweep and had mischievous plans afoot.
That night poor Karl discovered a space where his favourite slippers, should be. In its place was a strip of unfinished knitting, white acrylic, feather and fan stitch. The yarn end trailed away, with a note instructing the finder to follow the trail to find the slippers. Unfortunately the trail ran cold when it emerged some tidy person had seen the strand , and thinking it waste, cut it, and binned it. Karl never found his favourite slippers.
Audrey was having a run of bad luck. First of all her box of Cadbury's Roses had no Caramel Barrels! Terrible! Then , whilst out jogging, in an effort to burn off the calories she had just consumed, the cold air went up her nose and made her eyes water! Appalling! Next she discovered that she could not get last weeks episode of Holby City on her TV catch up service! Disastrous! The final straw came when trying to cut a piece of sellotape, the sellotape stuck to the scissors! Calamity! Audrey decided quite rationally that there can only be one explanation for this current misfortune-she had accidentally crocheted a blanket of doom! aaargghhh!
Now there are some people who do not believe in such things but Audrey had BTEC National Diploma in Pottery and was confident of her natural instincts.
Audrey kindly sent the blanket of doom to us-if we were the type to worry about such things we would be rather offended by a blatant attempt to pass doom onto another being but , we are not, so we are not.
Lovely Filet Crochet blanket in yellow acrylic.
Begonia loved to listen to Jarvis Cocker on the radio. His soothing tones increased her milk yield no end. Soon she became the most famous Jersey cow in all of Surbiton.
Farmer McDonald was (naturally) inundated with offers of work on her behalf. Begonia turned most of these offers down (including Celebrity Udder on Ice !) rather to Farmer McDonalds disappointment.
However Begonias ears pricked up and her tail swished at one idea-her own exercise video for dairy cows! Preparations were soon underway and everyone at the farm pitched in, including the farmers wife who started to make Begonia some striped leg warmers. Mrs McDonald, unfortunately , had a bit too much sherry trifle and accidentally started knitting a babys cardigan pattern. She tried to put them on Begonias legs but alas, they were either too small or too big.
Can you finish the cardigan? or do you know someone with four odd-shaped legs?if so contact us!
Knitted in pink and cream acrylic.